I believe you have more than three friends, my Dear. 🫂 I’ve been a loner all my life, always outside looking in. Always wishing I was more “normal.” 😂 I’ve grown to accept I am who I was meant to be, and within that the longing all but disappears.
You are the culmination of your life’s experiences. When your internal clock ticks wildly, and you feel out of control, it may be because you’re trying to shove the emotional pain back into the shadows where you’ve hidden it. Perhaps instead of focusing on ridding yourself of it, you could try accepting it. Seeing it as a guest who has come to you needing your warmth and affection. A short stay wherein you are both allowed to grieve until the bleeding wounds temporarily heal. Your boys love you for all of who you are, and it doesn’t matter if they can’t understand these moments. They know you’ll be back soon.
Take care of you, blue. We’ll still be here when you emerge. 😉
Thank you for the beautiful words Kathi. That's what I am trying to do. Make my peace with who and what I am. I've done a lot of the work, but you know that the work is never really done. 😊❤️
I know exactly how you feel. I do the Same. I have three 3️⃣ friends. They know this is how I am. Yes, I too miss how I used to be waaay back, but I can’t be that way anymore. It bugs me, but 🤷🏻♀️it is me. I have never been a morning person. I’m a terrible bitch in the a.m. Just leave me alone until I’ve eaten and had a cup of hot tea or coffee. I’m in a period of withdrawal, so I’ve not been around. Yeah, it’s depression and anxiety and I’m unsociable. Eh, I’ll shut my mouth 🤐 Hugs 🤗 Blue
Hugs right back at you, girl. 🫂😻❤️ And yes, I'm always a bit of a beast before that coffee hits the ol bloodstream, but I'm usually nothing like the raw anxiety ridden mess that I digress into sometimes. Better days are somewhere up ahead though. I know that because I've been here before. ❤️
I think we must be soul sisters. I go into retreat mode more and more lately. It's the only effective balm in my bag of self-healing meds.
So sister sufferer, I get it. Do what works for you. I'll be thinking about you as I disappear for my own health and well-being. See you when we both emerge, ok?
I knew you would be back eloquent as ever! The cycles happen to me too, I have learned to let them and just try to remember a cycle is a circle and there will be the back around part sooner or later. Keep writing your truth bluePNWcats and I will keep reading. No pressure though, write when the muse takes you.
Sorry for what you are going through, Blue, but glad that you are working through it. And what a blessing to have real friends who understand when you told them!
I am all too familiar with depression that paralyzes, that makes the world smaller and smaller until it’s just my bed. So I’ve learned to keep water, BelVita, meds, body wipes, deodorant, dry shampoo, and Listerine strips right by the bed. I might not be able to force myself out of bed and into the bathroom but I can roll over and grab my water.
The bravest thing anyone can do is wake up the next morning. So if all you do for the next 24 hrs is continue to breathe, that makes you a goddamned Rock Star!
I am so sorry you are struggling. This has been a hard, hard year, especially when contending with brain/body issues. It sucks that the chickens always come home to roost, no matter how hard you fight it, but sometimes you need to feel the feelings to get past them. And sometimes you do need to just live in quiet acceptance until the waves pass. Sending love.
I believe you have more than three friends, my Dear. 🫂 I’ve been a loner all my life, always outside looking in. Always wishing I was more “normal.” 😂 I’ve grown to accept I am who I was meant to be, and within that the longing all but disappears.
You are the culmination of your life’s experiences. When your internal clock ticks wildly, and you feel out of control, it may be because you’re trying to shove the emotional pain back into the shadows where you’ve hidden it. Perhaps instead of focusing on ridding yourself of it, you could try accepting it. Seeing it as a guest who has come to you needing your warmth and affection. A short stay wherein you are both allowed to grieve until the bleeding wounds temporarily heal. Your boys love you for all of who you are, and it doesn’t matter if they can’t understand these moments. They know you’ll be back soon.
Take care of you, blue. We’ll still be here when you emerge. 😉
Thank you for the beautiful words Kathi. That's what I am trying to do. Make my peace with who and what I am. I've done a lot of the work, but you know that the work is never really done. 😊❤️
I know exactly how you feel. I do the Same. I have three 3️⃣ friends. They know this is how I am. Yes, I too miss how I used to be waaay back, but I can’t be that way anymore. It bugs me, but 🤷🏻♀️it is me. I have never been a morning person. I’m a terrible bitch in the a.m. Just leave me alone until I’ve eaten and had a cup of hot tea or coffee. I’m in a period of withdrawal, so I’ve not been around. Yeah, it’s depression and anxiety and I’m unsociable. Eh, I’ll shut my mouth 🤐 Hugs 🤗 Blue
Hugs right back at you, girl. 🫂😻❤️ And yes, I'm always a bit of a beast before that coffee hits the ol bloodstream, but I'm usually nothing like the raw anxiety ridden mess that I digress into sometimes. Better days are somewhere up ahead though. I know that because I've been here before. ❤️
Yeah that’s true. My anxiety got to new heights since Election Day and has gotten worse.
You and me both, sister. ❤️
I think we must be soul sisters. I go into retreat mode more and more lately. It's the only effective balm in my bag of self-healing meds.
So sister sufferer, I get it. Do what works for you. I'll be thinking about you as I disappear for my own health and well-being. See you when we both emerge, ok?
See you on the other side, sister. ❤️❤️❤️🫂
I knew you would be back eloquent as ever! The cycles happen to me too, I have learned to let them and just try to remember a cycle is a circle and there will be the back around part sooner or later. Keep writing your truth bluePNWcats and I will keep reading. No pressure though, write when the muse takes you.
Thank you ConfirmedBias.❤️😊🫂
Sorry for what you are going through, Blue, but glad that you are working through it. And what a blessing to have real friends who understand when you told them!
I am all too familiar with depression that paralyzes, that makes the world smaller and smaller until it’s just my bed. So I’ve learned to keep water, BelVita, meds, body wipes, deodorant, dry shampoo, and Listerine strips right by the bed. I might not be able to force myself out of bed and into the bathroom but I can roll over and grab my water.
The bravest thing anyone can do is wake up the next morning. So if all you do for the next 24 hrs is continue to breathe, that makes you a goddamned Rock Star!
Thank you The_Shadout_Mapes. 😊❤️🫂
I am so sorry you are struggling. This has been a hard, hard year, especially when contending with brain/body issues. It sucks that the chickens always come home to roost, no matter how hard you fight it, but sometimes you need to feel the feelings to get past them. And sometimes you do need to just live in quiet acceptance until the waves pass. Sending love.
Thank you Kari. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Just wait the wave out. Thank you for the comment. I appreciate you. 😊❤️