You know what really grinds my Gears?
self righteous dicks is what
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I saw someone post a note today talking about having been approached by a homeless person in the city and asked for money. In this person's anecdote, they state that they asked the homeless person why they wanted money and when they replied that they were hungry, he offered to buy them a meal, which they then declined, instead requesting cash. In their telling of the tale, the author firmly declines to give cash and reiterates the offer of food and only food. They end their little feel good spiel with the apparently personally satisfying result that the homeless person finally relented to the offer of food, which is of course presented as some moral victory and also proof of the benevolence of the author. But I want to take a moment here and challenge several assumptions behind this attitude that really scorch me whenever I run into them.
I'm just gonna say that I wasn't even halfway through this note before my eyes rolled allllll the way back in my head about it because anyone who's been on any kind of social media- ever, has heard some version of this story. I always immediately assume that it's engagement farming. Self masturbatory back patting to put on display how simultaneously benevolent and wise a person believes themselves to be. I think it is almost one of those urban legends that just gets chewed up and barfed back out again with different cities and details added in for flavor. Veracity notwithstanding, however, let's analyze this attitude, shall we?
What I want to know is, why is it preferable or more moral to assist a poor or homeless person with food instead of just cash? Sure, yeah, I know people are gonna come right back with that old chestnut “well if you give them money they'll just spend it on drugs or booze!” Ok. Cool. I'm still waiting on the part of that that answers my original question. Why the fuck do you care so deeply about how that person is specifically using the resources that you are kind enough to offer them? Really think about it and tell me. Now, if this is just about you not wanting to contribute to immorality or further rip the delicate fabric of society by contributing your own money towards things that you consider evil, then boy-oh-boy have I got some crazy bad news for you baby! You better be ready for that Amish lifestyle, homesteading and growing or hunting your food. Better limber up those bartering skills, my friend. Because you need to realize that every dollar bill you ever hold in your eager little fingers has probably at one point been stuck in a stripper’s sweaty g-string, rolled up for a CEO to snort a line off his desk in between meetings or any number of scandalous scenarios too depraved to imagine. Dollars are dirty. Capitalism is dirty. You don't get to fully participate in it and then claim your own moral compass has never aimed anywhere other than true North. And here in America, we are all guilty of that immorality by extension. We don't have many reasonable alternatives other than existing within this sick system, that's true, but it doesn't erase our culpability even then.
So, do you supply even one dollar that makes its way into the pockets of disgusting demented and scurrilous rich fucks who use those dollars to further their own twisted agendas (and unethical kinks)? Do you continue using their products and services even knowing that they are rat bastards? Sick perverts? That they perpetuate harm upon the innocent? You don't publicly shame them. You don't demand any repentance for their sins. You don't demand an accounting of every one of their faults and crimes. You definitely don't judge wealthy people to be unworthy of acceptance and liberty. Yet you can still feel superior enough to another human to demand that they only accept help on your very narrowly defined terms? Based entirely upon their net worth. Because it makes you feel, what? Better than them? Why, suddenly, does it only matter to you what the poor, vulnerable person does with your dollars, but you don't bat an eye at the outrageous moral depravity we see from billionaires?
Morality scoldings aside, there could be many legitimate reasons that a homeless person would tell you that they are hungry and yet still prefer that you give them money instead of food right at that very second. What if they have just eaten? They'll still be hungry again later in the day, presumably, right? Hunger is a spectre that never stops haunting your steps when you're poor. But if they have recently eaten and you refuse to assist them with cash, that food you're foisting on them prematurely might just end up going to waste. They have no fridge or reliable storage. Enjoy that salmonella from the burrito that was tossing around in your 100 degree backpack all afternoon, homeless dude! What if they have dietary restrictions that require them to only purchase certain things? Newsflash! It's not just rich white suburban folks who have allergies, food sensitivities or religious dietary exclusions. Shocking, I know.
This paternalistic and I'm just gonna say it -dickish- attitude about unhoused poverty stricken individuals is immeasurably cruel. Thinking someone can be shamed and scolded out of their problems is ridiculous, and this viewpoint refuses to acknowledge the hard lived realities of poverty. Usually unhoused people are posted up in whatever tiny little corner of the city that remains where they haven't installed homeless spikes and other such delightful and welcoming features. Oftentimes, they are in the full hot sun or exposed to a myriad of other harsh weather conditions because cities have gone out of their way to eliminate public seating, particularly the ones that are covered or in the shade because they would rather punish unhoused people (along with the community itself) than help them. Quite often, the only way they can find any place with shade or shelter to protect themselves and actually rest their exhausted human bodies without fear of being arrested or robbed is by getting enough money to be able to afford a cheap motel for the night. If that's the case, then you're not helping them at all by demanding that they gratefully accept your offer of only food. Self righteously insisting that you know better than they do about what they need is not only cringe as fuck, but also counterproductive. If you're going to help someone, just fucking do it. And if they tell you that helping them a certain way is better than another, if it's the same dollar amount in the end then, again, just fucking help them! what the fuck difference will it make in your life anyhow? The only difference would be that you don't get to simultaneously build yourself up while busting someone else down, and that's something I could certainly get behind!
Poor and homeless people are just that: people. They cut a wide and varied pathway through the entire spectrum of humanity. Are there some who enjoy the freedom of it and prefer it to participating in society? Sure there are. But they aren't the only ones out there who are poor and hungry. There are legions of people who have simply been abandoned by this country. And they fucking matter, dammit! They aren't there to be your moralizing object lesson of the day. Your humble brag trophy. Even if they have ended up there through their own actions and by their own hands, they are still human beings, and you do not get to showboat on Substack, tooting your own horn while moralizing and punching down on one of the most vulnerable segments of the population. Not without clap back from this old broad, at least.
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I've slept in doorways and stairwells, I get it.
Cash money never goes out of style. Let them make their own choice as to how they spend your largesse instead of judging how their choices led them to this point.
There’s an older gentleman in my area that is homeless. He’s quiet and unassuming and never bothers anyone that I’ve seen. He’s never asked anyone for money that I’ve seen. But every now and then if I have a little cash, I’ll hand it to him. He’s never spoken a word before the other day when he said hello for the first time. Priceless.